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Dear Gloffy

Gloffy's New Monday-Night Open Mic

Posted Tuesday, April 28th 2009 by Jeremy Gloff

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Well the time has finally come for me to host an open mic again. For three years I hosted the open mic at a coffee shop. In the end I got burnt out. I quit with an hour's notice. Something hit me and I knew I could never go back. And I didn't. Truth be told, the following two weeks I cried during the hours I knew my open mic was contiuning without me. I had to grow and I could not have done everything I've done since then had I stayed doing my open mic.

Four years have gone by and I've always toyed with doing another open mic. Here and there it almost happened ... but now the time has finally come to do it again.

This time it will be the same, but different.

How will it be the same? I will still encourage people to think outside the box. I am not looking ONLY for acoustic acts and poety (which is welcome of course). Wanna show us your booty shake?  Wanna have a creamed-corn wet t-shirt contest? Have some abstract performance art? We're in. Anything goes.

What will be different? This time the open mic will be in Ybor, which is more central to the Bay area. It will also be in a bar so people will be able to choose from alcohol or coffee. And even more importantly ... when the open mic is over at 12:30, the night is NOT over. DJ LeahQ will be spinning along with anyone else who wants to bring their DJ stuff. Dance party USA. We enourage you to bring your CDS and Mp3s from home. I got frustrated through the years how Tampa clubs and DJs often don't play obscure requests, and they NEVER play local acts. Am I bitter about this? Yes. It's bullshit and a disgrace, no disrespect to my friends who spin. I love you, I just don't love that you don't support my records. It's hurtful.

So local talent, we will play your dance records to dance to.

Sign-up at the open mic is 9:30 - first come, first serve. I am doing fifteen-minute time slots, or three songs a person. At 12:30, even if everyone hasn't played yet, we are going to switch over to DJ Leah Q.  Sorry abouty our luck, but I want to enjoy myself and I won't if I am hosting open mic all the way til 1 am!

I hope everyone is as into this as much as I am. There's some GREAT talent in Tampa. I hope all my established friends use this open mic to try out new material. Let's give each other feedback. The empahsis is on art and creativity. I'm so stoked!

I've made a lot of friends along the way. We have rad sponsors for our night. Square One is a key contributor to the Ybor Art Scene. Bentley Salon is at the forefront of the DIY state of mind. REAX Magazine is an instrumental voice in the Florida music scene. TheNewGay.net is a national website promoting queer-friendly thinking and events that are outside the box. OUTmusic is based in New York City but it is a national organization for GLBT performers. I am happy to add this open mic to their national roster of events. I'd like to thank all of you for helping to promote this night and offering your support. What a diverse and wonderful bunch you are!

The offical name for our night: ANTISOCIAL AT THE SOCIAL. Hope to see you on stage or in the audience. I am so proud to live in Tampa. This is the open mic I've been wanting to do for a long time.  This night is brought to you by Jeremy Gloff, Leah Q, and Mr P. Botti :)

There is a two dollar donation at the door. If you are poor come out anyway. We want you in our audience. We will let you in.

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The Mooch, The Escort And Miss Jackson ('Cause They're Both Nasty)

Posted Tuesday, April 14th 2009 by Jeremy Gloff
Dear Gloffy,
My friends and I were cruising Craigslist as a joke and we stumbled upon my brother, who is apparently escorting. Seeing my own brother naked wasn't at the top of my list of things I was in the mood to do that day. So should I confront him?

Signed,
Concerned in Largo

Dear Largo,
Don't we always want our brothers and sisters to be doctors and lawyers? I suppose if you stretch it, your brother could be "playing doctor” while working at the "firm.” Joking aside, you have a right to be concerned about your brother. Escorting is not only illegal but also dangerous. My advice column is certainly not the forum to debate how one should be allowed to use his or her own body, but it is without question that your concerns are justified. Perhaps it would be best to approach your brother with concern and empathy, but not with judgment. Don't ask "how could you," just ask "why.” Perhaps the answer he gives will help you to understand your brother more. At best, he may open up to you, ask you for help, or explain his actions in a way that will at least make you more comfortable with what he is doing. At worst, he might justify his job choice by adapting the epic 1986 Bonnie Tyler cut "Loving You's A Dirty Job (But Somebody's Got To Do It)" as his theme song. I hope Bonnie Tyler used condoms.

Dear Gloffy,
We have THAT ONE friend and I don't know what to do about it. You know the one - the one who NEVER brings food to pot luck dinners! My friends don't seem to mind much but it drives me crazy. She hasn't cooked one time and we've been doing pot lucks for about four years within my group of friends. She could at least bring some paper towels sometime! I feel I can't really say anything because none of my other friends really care, and I'll just end up looking like finicky asshole. Hmm?

Signed,
She's Eating My Ravioli

Dear Ravioli,
Your friend is a douche. And your friends are enabling her suckiness. If you confront the girl you will look like a jerk. If you get your other friends worked up over the situation then you will look like a troublemaker. How about this: keep going to the parties but stop bringing stuff!!! See how long it takes before people notice! Don't bring anything but a healthy appetite baby. If it was Jeremy Gloff going to that party, I'd bring my favorite song about food of all time - Yvonne Elliman's "Casserole Me Over" from her 1975 Food of Love album. Of course you and I both know Yvonne wasn't REALLY singing about food, was she? Whipped cream, anyone?

Write to Dear Gloffy at deargloffy@gmail.com or just follow the link at jeremygloff.com

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LADY GAGA VS. JONI MITCHELL AND WHY I AM STAYING HOME TONIGHT

Posted Tuesday, April 7th 2009 by Jeremy Gloff
I just read about a book about Joni Mitchell's Blue period called Will You Take Me As I Am. The book was an analytical look at Mitchell's so-called confessional song writing spanning from from 1971-1976. I walk away from this book reminded of the scope and depth of Mitchell's lyrics, as well as the flexibility and complexity of her musical compositions. I also walk away from this book knowing there's no way in sam hell I am able to attend the Lady Gaga concert tonight in Ybor City Tampa.

I grew up loving pop music. I was fixated by Debbie Harry in first grade. I aquired Madonna in fourth grade. By sixth grade I'd immersed myself in the lovely world of Prince and all his ladies. In sixth grade, I discovered Joni Mitchell. I suppose my appreciation of music can be divided into two categories - pre Joni and post Joni. I am a loyal fan and listener. All those artists I grew to love in the '80s I still follow today. Madonna's inane and simple lyrics spoke very loud and clear to me at eight years old - and due to sentimental value and the fact that Madonna continued to grow and entertain as an artist - I stuck with her. In fact, all of my favorite artists from the '80s have continued to grow as musicians. Cyndi Lauper's last album was heartfelt and catchy. Donna Summer sounds like she had a blast with her last album. But after Joni Mitchell, very rarely did I ever introduce new pop artists into my listening pool. If anything, I looked further into the discographies of artists that piqued my interest in the '80s (Kim Carnes), or was impressed by pop artists who later turned experimental and daring (Cathy Dennis). I am hard pressed to find that sense of adventure and risk in any of our current pop artists discographies. Somewhere along the way people stopped writing and from the heart and began writing with their pocketbook.

Indeed, after Joni Mitchell, I found it difficult to find new artists to explore. Many times when I did find artists who intrigued me, I talked about it much less. Pop music is a much easier conversation piece than some of my discoveries in this decade. While my pop culture ramblings might proclaim my love for Janet or Madonna (hold overs from my youth) I have spent the last ten years delving deep into the catalogs of Emmylou Harris, Marianne Faithfull, Flora Purim, Sonic Youth and Rory Block.

Mariah Carey was one exception. I fell in love with her music and persona in 2001, when she went crazy. After seeing Mariah fall from grace I discovered a certain sincere desperation in her music that was endearing. Likewise, being that I took Mariah into my collection during the Glitter years, there was more than a hint of my beloved Teena Marie's vocal stylings on that album to lure me in. In post-American Idol America, singing stylization has become more affected and mannered than ever. Pure gloss and technique. With the full awareness that Mariah Carey is a complete tard and commercial trend chasing tart, I still will make the case that there is some pure soulfulness in some of her singing. I would use "All My Life" from Glitter as evidence, or the dance remix of "Fantasy" which finds Carey unleashed like nothing on her full lengths.

In 2009, at 34 years old, I find myself continually trying to be convinced of Lady Gaga's merits and talents. People flash her credentials and credits under my eyes as bait. I'm not impressed. At a bar last night one kid talked for five minutes at length about how Gaga has worked with "the hottest musicians over the last ten years." My response was quick and easy. "I haven't enjoyed any of the musicians who came out over the last ten years, why would I like her then?"

The truth is, my thirty-four-year-old mind has little to draw from a girl in a blonde wig dancing around in a bubble dress. Perhaps if I was in high school, and coming of age, I'd find escape and creativity in this packaging. At the point I am in my life ... being someone who has never been drunk in my life, I find the concept of her song "Let's Dance" quite at odds with my personal experience. I was never someone who would get too drunk to escape myself and let loose on the dance floor. If anything, I've always come at the dance floor from a different angle - I think and analyze too much, therefore let me bust some moves as a respite.

Someone left a comment on my Facebook page yesterday stating questioning my dislike of Gaga, stating that I am basically an older gay version of her. I was not offended by my friend's observation ... but it made me question just how people are perceiving me. It is no doubt that my current album 1987 is a full-on '80s-inspired dance extravaganza. What differs from my album and Gaga's is that most of the songs on my album, if you investigate into the lyrics, are intricately autobiographical. Most of the songs on 1987 began as acoustic songs and were recast as dance songs for the sake of concept. Listening to Gaga's album, I found lyrics rife with references to fame, glamor, commercialism, money, status, and the endless pursuit of THE PARTY. You will find none of that on my album. If anything, I find myself repelled and uninterested by the concepts of fame, fashion, social status, and chemically-induced escapism.

I cannot make a case for the lyrics of Madonna's pop music. But I can say that her lyrics and concepts spoke very loud and clear to my less-developed ten-year-old mind. Let's have a holiday. Express yourself. Don't go for second best. The closest Madonna came to the mindset of our modern culture was "Material Girl" - and that song's delivery was so tongue-in-cheek and camp that any listener knew she was really just a dirty punk rock girl singing in. I don't think Lady Gaga is a dirty punk rock girl disguised as a pop diva. I think she is pure marketing, and as plain and boring and soulless as everything else that's come out in these homogenized times. At this point in my evolution as a person, I am offended that people are trying to talk me into finding merit in a young girl with an unoriginal wig (Gwen Aguilera anyone?) singing about getting drunk, losing her self awareness, and dancing. I couldn't have even related to stuff like that when I was 17, much less now.

The more time goes by, the more distant I feel from modern pop culture. As annoying as the '90s were, at least there seemed to be a simple kind of distilled sincerity to the Lilith Fair bracket.

I have begun recording my next album. By no means will this be an '80s dance album. It was very tempting to continue dancing around to '80s-sounding songs wearing a boa and acting crazy on the stage. The way people responded to 1987 was very visual and immediate. When I danced crazy, people laughed. When I humped the stage, people screamed immediately. As I begin to work on a more serious and introspective project, I will have to worn my ego not to be bruised, knowing that people respond differently to more cerebral tunes.

Being that I am fascinated by society and trends, I spent hours watching Gaga and YouTube and researching her. I still found no love, but I spent $25 dollars on a Lady Gaga ticket with the intention of watching her and reaffirming that I don't like her. After reading about Joni Mitchell and her music I realized that should I go to this concert tonight, it would be a form of self torture. I know I'd be very unhappy. So instead, I am going to make $50 profit on the ticket I bought.

Ideally, I'd love to see mass culture shift back towards an emphasis on self-examination, humanitarianism, and sincere communication and kindness. Until then, just dance.

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tags: Lady Gaga
 
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