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Your Band Blows
Seether: They've Got Sucking Covered
I really didn’t want to write this column.
I’ve been avoiding tackling a band so obviously terrible as Seether for the entire run of my writing YBB, because: A) there’s no challenge to it - I could just post up tabs and lyrics to all of their material and anyone with half a brain and/or musical skill will see what a joke they are - and
they aren’t getting significant enough positive buzz to warrant a backlash - there’s really no press. Where Seether is concerned, it would appear that the only ones who “get” what they’re doing, and want to see it succeed, are record company execs, radio program directors, and the hordes of semi-goth mall kids that still think bands like Disturbed and Slipknot are speaking to their lack of self-esteem and stunted musical taste.
All of this really turns me off of spending the time writing about a band when it’s not really necessary. Seether’s fans are a joke, their music is akin to the audio equivalent of generic vanilla ice cream (you know, the stuff that’s $1.50 a gallon) and the only reason that they continue to thrive is thanks to a bunch of backward-thinking promoters and mass-media gatekeepers. But the other day, something happened that brought forth the rage of my entire limbic system. Driving through Miami with a dead iPod and no CDs and looking for something to listen to, I happened to hit the scan button on the FM radio. I’d hoped that maybe I could land on some oasis of obscure salsa in the desert of latin smooth jazz that dominates the airwaves in the area, but instead I ended up sitting on an Active Rock-formatted channel after hearing the last verse of Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody.”
After suffering through a couple of tunes by forgettable acts, the DJ announced a “new” song by Seether called “Careless Whisper.” Something deep inside of me twinged; I started rapidly cycling through the five stages of grief:
1. Denial and Isolation - “They wouldn’t, would they? Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t possible?”
2. Anger - “Who the fuck covers a Wham! song? Someone is getting stabbed in the eye!!!”
3. Bargaining - “Please tell me this isn’t a cover, and they just stole the title ... PLEASE!!!”
4. Depression - “Oh my God, this is really happening. F my L.”
5. Acceptance - “They did it. I don’t know why, but they actually did it.”
The song, of course, was a word-for-word and basically note-for-note cover of the aforementioned Wham! song from 1984. A worldwide hit at the time, “Careless Whisper” was a ballad of love lost due to some unmentioned betrayal (most likely a hummer received from a stranger in a park bathroom, knowing George Michael’s penchant for semi-anonymous public encounters) that results in the inability to dance again. Appropriate subject matter for a time during which the world was still recovering from the disco era and New Wave backlash that followed it, but without relevance to today’s current music culture. Given that, a sloppy nu-metal rehash seems even more odd. The only possible justification for releasing such a wobbly attempt at a cover is that perhaps Shaun Morgan is finally lamenting the loss of former girlfriend Amy Lee (of Evanescence fame), and has decided to express his despair by remaking a ballad written by a forgettable homoerotic ‘80s act. Wow, I’m sure Amy is touched at this very moment. Touched by the fact that Shaun is definitely back on the booze, because from this humble journalist’s perspective it would take copious amounts of alcohol to think that covering this song was a good idea. Brain damage amounts. So much booze that the guy sifting through the trash in downtown St. Petersburg pouring the remnants of tossed beer cans into a dirty Styrofoam cup so he can get his drink on would probably say, “Shaun, you really need to slow down, you’re ruining your life.”
At this point, what’s done is done. The song is receiving heavy radio play and I’m sure that there are several thousand kids running around in bondage pants and black eye makeup playing this moldy piece of ear trash over and over and thinking about that girl or guy that they shared a moment head-banging with at the last Ozzfest. Unfortunately, it’s too late to stop this crap from being disseminated, but hopefully it will disappear as quickly as Limp Bizkit’s cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” (anyone remember that?), and will have a similar effect on Seether’s career: turning a gradual decline into a nosedive of epic proportions.
I’ve been avoiding tackling a band so obviously terrible as Seether for the entire run of my writing YBB, because: A) there’s no challenge to it - I could just post up tabs and lyrics to all of their material and anyone with half a brain and/or musical skill will see what a joke they are - and
they aren’t getting significant enough positive buzz to warrant a backlash - there’s really no press. Where Seether is concerned, it would appear that the only ones who “get” what they’re doing, and want to see it succeed, are record company execs, radio program directors, and the hordes of semi-goth mall kids that still think bands like Disturbed and Slipknot are speaking to their lack of self-esteem and stunted musical taste. All of this really turns me off of spending the time writing about a band when it’s not really necessary. Seether’s fans are a joke, their music is akin to the audio equivalent of generic vanilla ice cream (you know, the stuff that’s $1.50 a gallon) and the only reason that they continue to thrive is thanks to a bunch of backward-thinking promoters and mass-media gatekeepers. But the other day, something happened that brought forth the rage of my entire limbic system. Driving through Miami with a dead iPod and no CDs and looking for something to listen to, I happened to hit the scan button on the FM radio. I’d hoped that maybe I could land on some oasis of obscure salsa in the desert of latin smooth jazz that dominates the airwaves in the area, but instead I ended up sitting on an Active Rock-formatted channel after hearing the last verse of Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody.”
After suffering through a couple of tunes by forgettable acts, the DJ announced a “new” song by Seether called “Careless Whisper.” Something deep inside of me twinged; I started rapidly cycling through the five stages of grief:
1. Denial and Isolation - “They wouldn’t, would they? Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t possible?”
2. Anger - “Who the fuck covers a Wham! song? Someone is getting stabbed in the eye!!!”
3. Bargaining - “Please tell me this isn’t a cover, and they just stole the title ... PLEASE!!!”
4. Depression - “Oh my God, this is really happening. F my L.”
5. Acceptance - “They did it. I don’t know why, but they actually did it.”
The song, of course, was a word-for-word and basically note-for-note cover of the aforementioned Wham! song from 1984. A worldwide hit at the time, “Careless Whisper” was a ballad of love lost due to some unmentioned betrayal (most likely a hummer received from a stranger in a park bathroom, knowing George Michael’s penchant for semi-anonymous public encounters) that results in the inability to dance again. Appropriate subject matter for a time during which the world was still recovering from the disco era and New Wave backlash that followed it, but without relevance to today’s current music culture. Given that, a sloppy nu-metal rehash seems even more odd. The only possible justification for releasing such a wobbly attempt at a cover is that perhaps Shaun Morgan is finally lamenting the loss of former girlfriend Amy Lee (of Evanescence fame), and has decided to express his despair by remaking a ballad written by a forgettable homoerotic ‘80s act. Wow, I’m sure Amy is touched at this very moment. Touched by the fact that Shaun is definitely back on the booze, because from this humble journalist’s perspective it would take copious amounts of alcohol to think that covering this song was a good idea. Brain damage amounts. So much booze that the guy sifting through the trash in downtown St. Petersburg pouring the remnants of tossed beer cans into a dirty Styrofoam cup so he can get his drink on would probably say, “Shaun, you really need to slow down, you’re ruining your life.”
At this point, what’s done is done. The song is receiving heavy radio play and I’m sure that there are several thousand kids running around in bondage pants and black eye makeup playing this moldy piece of ear trash over and over and thinking about that girl or guy that they shared a moment head-banging with at the last Ozzfest. Unfortunately, it’s too late to stop this crap from being disseminated, but hopefully it will disappear as quickly as Limp Bizkit’s cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” (anyone remember that?), and will have a similar effect on Seether’s career: turning a gradual decline into a nosedive of epic proportions.
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