The After-School Special

Column 2: Cocostroika

The Bolsheviks had Lenin. The Beatles had Lennon.

Today, the people have Conan.

As of this writing, Conan O’Brien will be dethroned from the Tonight Show on Feb. 20 before his behind could even be warmed by the seat that once cushioned the late-great Johnny Carson’s.

Late-night TV’s most loveable carrot top is getting a raw deal. And so is late-night’s most respected franchise.

Since announcing he’s leaving NBC in protest, O’Brien’s Nielsen ratings have soared, audiences have formed lines around the block, supportive protesters have sported “I’m With Coco” T-shirts and fan sites and stories have popped up every day.

Thank goodness, he and his clever staff have offered us vindication and comic relief – acting out the fight with the network in hilariously self-deprecating gags and going so far as to televise a Craigslist ad selling the Tonight Show; “Band sold separately.”

This whole mess began in a move of executive-retardo-bizarro-world logic on Jan. 12, when NBC announced that it would boot host O’Brien off the Tonight Show to bring back Jay Leno, whose ratings plummeted to Hitler’s level of hell during his weirdly slotted, weekdays-at-10 p.m. prime time show.

“Jay thinks he is Regis Philbin, and Jay, just won't retire,” says Stephen Viscusi of the Huffington Post. “Philbin is beloved. Leno is tolerated. Regis is like Barbara Walter and Oprah – yes even Letterman. We like him. Leno, on the other hand, is like Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver.” Amen, brother.

I heard the news on the eve of the death of my stepfather, during a month of intense career decision making, so the only-the-good-die-young, sticking-it-to-authority undertones of the situation felt especially poignant to me – as I’m sure for anyone who’s been slapped in the face a time or two while aspiring for ideals or rights.

Not to get to far afield here, but sometimes it feels like we’re living in a world where fear has become a mightier motivator than innovation, and during our most discouraged moments, it seems as if it has become punishable to do anything but maintain a self-destructive status quo.

Conan made us believe again.

He would not be bullied by the irresponsible and incomprehensible order by his bosses and reacted in an “Oh, no, you didn’t” manner by sending out a big fat F.U. to NBC in the form of an eloquent and graciously scathing missive.

He wrote: “NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.”

It’s a frustrating dilemma to ponder. O’Brien’s show was damned good. I recorded it on my DVR, and I only record a few shows. He was funny without being too smarmy; endearing without being too glad-handing. Along with the usual pimping of celebrities, he and Andy Richter brought provocative wit to wee-hour gabbery. As I saw it, the dynamic duo had steadily won over a younger, hipper audience despite a wimpy heave-ho from lagging local evening news. ... And what thanks do they get?

So, where are Conan and Co. going? That remains to be seen. Speculations hover at Fox, but he cannot return to TV until September. Maybe he should get something going on the more freethinking and enterprising HBO, or he could write TV or movie scripts again – after all, the Harvard alumnus kicked much hilarious butt as a Simpsons and SNL writer.

As for me and my much lower-profile career dilemma, I’ve been wrestling with keeping my job as a full-time dropout prevention teacher. Though I considered seeking a career as a full-time freelancer, I decided it was too soon to call it quits on my students.

I have made this decision though I strongly disagree with certain accountability-driven mandates of the school board (computer software lessons, standardized test-driven instruction) and I made my protests known to my superiors and students.

Though I can’t afford to make a statement by resigning in the salaciously entertaining manner that Conan has, I can at least take comfort in knowing that my students respect me for defending their right to learn in a non-automaton fashion.

Plus, practically speaking, I cannot leave because I don’t have the 40-million-dollar severance package or prestige of someone like Conan O’Brien. I have to make it on my own and afford basic stuff like health insurance.

As do most of us, that’s why we can live so deliciously vicariously through the protests of Coco.